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Title: Hello

Rating: PG-13, I guess, but only cause it's way angsty and the subject matter isn't something for a 12 year old? Mature, not ADULT, subjects and all

Characters/Pairings: Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson

Summary: even after all this time, he still knows how to get to her like nobody else can or ever has

Feedback: would be brilliant.

Author’s Notes: it's been a horrible week for me. I'm in such a bad mood. And I'm bored out of my mind and wanting to write, but none of my usual muses were working. So I went over to twilight_rpf to look at the anonymous request post. This prompt stood out to me:

I wonder if she's much like me. I wonder if she's what you need.

Lyrics from Hello by Schuyler Fisk

I LOVE that song. And it turned out to be a perfect way to channel my own icky feelings and angst. You should visit Schyuler's MySpazz (http://www.myspace.com/schuylerfisk) and put "Hello" on repeat, or at least listen to it ONCE before reading this. You'll understand why it's so damn angsty and the way it is. Which is really funny and completely OOC for how *I* imagine Kristen to be cause she seems really cold and unemotional, almost robotic, to me.

Anyways, there you go.

It didn't matter that Kristen knew with absolute certainty that he was all wrong for her, with her. It still stung when she saw him with anybody else. But she had NOT been prepared for the sight of him with her. Her co-worker, her friend, practically her sister; someone she had trusted so completely. Even worse, it made her doubt everything that had happened. All those months, even though Rob had turned her world upside down and on its ear, never once had she doubted what he'd been with her, what he meant to her. And, there was the tiniest hope somewhere deep inside that nobody knew about that they would one day work things out and somehow find a way to make it so she and he became a they.

But now, seeing the two of them together and knowing it wasn't the first time because her friends had told her about seeing them a month ago ... it was like a truth bomb. Kristen couldn't deny he definitely wasn't sitting and pining for her; not that she thought he would, but what was that expression? A girl could dream? Especially since there wasn't a day that went by that she didn't think about him. If he could be in her life like he was on her mind, she wouldn't ache so much every day. She snorted to herself at her own ridiculousness as her eyes burned while they looked at the screen until the all-too-familiar faces blurred.

Was this relationship new? Or way back when he was the whole world, had he been busy being something to her too? After he'd kiss her quiet and hold her tightly, did he leave and get in her bed? Is that why he never stayed the night? Because he had somewhere else to be, someone else he preferred.

Her eyebrows knitted together as she wondered how that could be possible. He'd sworn so many times that she was a unique constellation of attributes that drew him in no matter how hard he fought the pull. So, it wasn't likely that somewhere underneath the glamour, she was like her somehow, was it? Or did he like the difference? Did she give him something that had eluded her?

The photo of them on her screen came back into sharp focus. They weren't even near each other, let alone touching, but something in her just knew what was going on. And it stung. He'd told her to go back to her own life, the safety she'd worked so hard to build for herself, and promised he wouldn't come after her to ruin anything. While inside she was screaming at herself to argue with him, to tell him she was ready to give up safe and have him be her first, REAL big risk ... she couldn't. He hadn't weakened that wall enough to allow her to break through it.

Kristen picked up her keyboard and slammed it repeatedly against her desk while she shrieked out her frustration. Pretty soon, Michael would arrive to pick her up and take her out. So she had to be her usual calm - though Rob would tease her and call her practically catatonic - self. He wasn't too far off the mark. She worked hard to make sure never to let people know what was going on in her mind or heart; to do so would put her at a disadvantage with people right from the get-go, and she wouldn't have that. But Rob had found a way through that, with soft lips and clever hands and words like arrows that shot straight to the heart of all matters. That's why even now, months and miles removed from him, he could still elicit this kind of emotional response.

But only for a moment, then she had to reign it all in. She couldn't betray herself and her precious memories, false though they may be, to Michael. Just like she couldn't betray her heart's desire to Rob that day so many months ago they'd said goodbye. Or when they met up again for re-shoots. Or when they were at that stupid awards ceremony. Sure there were touches and kisses and whispered words of desire but ... no declarations of emotion, or of any kind, really. That just wasn't what they did.

Maybe Nikki did that. Maybe that's what he really wanted, but like her, couldn't admit. She sighed with frustration as she switched her computer off. She didn't have the right to be angry, to feel replaced, when she had left him. She had chosen to say goodbye. So why, after all this time and all the chaos he caused her, did it hurt to think of him with someone else? Why did she care? Why did she find herself wanting to weep, shed actual tears which she never did, at the thought of anyone but her by his side?

She shuffled to the bathroom and looked at her flushed cheeks and bloodshot eyes. Splashing cold water on her face, she thought about how far she - and he - was from where they'd been. She knew it was far past time to let him go, but her heart just wouldn't let her. Living this lie she wasn't brave enough to break away from, he was the only comfort to be had. Even now, if he was happier and better off without her, she couldn't - wouldn't - let the present steal away the past.

Her cell phone ringing roused her from her thoughts. She ran to her bedroom and picked it up immediately, figuring it was Michael wanting to finalize their plans for the night.


"It's me again," came the answer, and for the second time that day, Kristen found herself unprepared. She wasn't prepared for the voice on the other end. The accent and the heavy tone that went right to that hole in her chest and filled it. She sank to the edge of the bed, unsure of what to say and unable to speak anyways. But he understood and for long moments, they just breathed together.

"She's not you," he said. No, declared, quietly. A tear finally escaped then. She couldn't be sure of what that meant, but she was sure it meant something. And for now, that was enough for her to hang onto.


Oct. 4th, 2008 03:26 pm (UTC)
Oh wow. I LOVED that ending. All of her insecurities and her pretending to NOT care even though she DID. How she wanted to tell him what she wanted from him but was too afraid to say or do anything. And at the end....him telling her just what she wanted adn NEEDED to hear. No explainations (SP???) or anything but she knew it meant something to both of them. I really like how it all played out at the end :)
Oct. 4th, 2008 07:47 pm (UTC)
The ending surprised me. I had the song on repeat, and as I was getting to "the end," she sang, "Hello, it's me again..." and even though it doesn't fit with the story at ALL, that's what ended up happening :P I had to give her a little bit of something to hang onto.

TY for reading and leaving feedback :] I appreciate it so so much *grateful hugs*